Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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