if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
