A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Only a mothe r could love this liver
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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