Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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