Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Enjoy the penises
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
