Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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