I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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