He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
try to milk me bitch
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