He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I AM VODKA MAN
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
