Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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