dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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