you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
