Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just blew my weed a kiss
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
