R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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