There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I need to calm my uterus...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
