I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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