I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
