How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
