He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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