i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
this boner is exhausting
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
