i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
