If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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