you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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