she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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