He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
