i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
