Your mouth is God's brothel.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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