This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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