Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
