I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
