Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I did not marry a roomba.
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