uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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