I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
