I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
