We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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