shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
