And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
