i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
