did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
