had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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