Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
