I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
