Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
