You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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