Pappa wants mamma naked
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
