I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
