so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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