shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
