I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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