I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
