whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the jesus of drinking
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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