Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
