We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
