Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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