his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
