Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
