he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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